[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JCfAGSkhggQ]

Have you ever felt like you were in the midst of some sort of change? Like you can feel the shell cracking open and something different is about over take you.

What that change was you really aren't sure but you do know its a change for the better - a change for life - a change for love.

There are many people who have tried many ways to define life and its many wonders. They have tried to explain the mind, the changes, the self discovery. But with something so personal it seems it’s a task suited to no one and everyone.

For me on my drive home tonight and for the last few nights I have had this “feeling” what it is I am not sure but the only way I can begin to word it is that I feel like I am coming back to life. Like a very distant part of me that I knew briefly is getting a second chance to live again. The fun, confident, self loving side.

I am not sure if it is a matter of age or a matter of time. But something has happened that I hope doesn’t stop. Its like old nerve endings are alive with energy, long dormant cells and thoughts are breaking through and breaking free. Like I have been given a fresh license to discover just who I am and who I want to be.

The Blues is a large part of my musical life and my heart lies with in that genre but somehow some way there is space enough for another branch a branch that moves to dance music – stay with me here – When I hear a good dance song…bass and all… I can close my eyes and just let the music lead my soul. Crank the volume let the bass fill my blood. My mind lets go of the dock and swims free to places of love and light. Its something Like a drug for me I guess.

One of the things I long to grasp again is the ability to go out and dance to loose the weight enough so that even if I don’t have the “look” I can go and let my soul be free on that dance floor. To let the light and fresh air in again.

Somewhere deep inside there is a person who has been berated, hated, and beaten down by the person who says your not good enough, your hideous, you don’t deserve the laughter-friends-love-joy-romance-life that those around you have. That person has been me. I have been telling myself these things consciously and unconsciously for so long now that the contrary idea has become far fetched in my mind.

But something… something is changing… those words are ringing more and more hollow. My friends support and compliments and love seems to be seeping through finally… flooding through the fresh cracks in that prison cell wall. You, my friends here, my friends and family in life, real time and online, you have been there you have not wavered, you have believed in me when I couldn’t fathom why…and finally it seems that it is getting in to that self I have so carefully locked away – and like nourishment to a starving soul, I feel myself coming alive and growing again.

I heard a song on the way home and while the artist did the song in dedication to her child who was stillborn, the words spoke to me on a deeper level… not the superficial way that they sound on first listen. Even the music video shows a sort of pop side to it but if you take the time and look a bit deeper – listen to the words, really listen and watch for the theme and idea, not just the visual but the intellectual.. you see it’s a song of love and allowing one to love themselves again. Giving yourself permission to love yourself and to live.

The words are very dear in this light to me. And without sounding totally self absorbed and trite – I suppose I am dedicating it to myself, to the me I know is in there somewhere that I must let out to live and to be who I am.

I suppose it is a sort of self introduction to self.

I hope that you will read through these lyrics and then follow the link to the video and watch it … closely. Because words are not enough, lyrics are not enough, music is not enough, visual video is not enough, but together they come close to describe this feeling… this wonderful feeling of self worth after so many years of the opposite.

I feel like it will be a long and arduous road but one that I must travel, That I must allow myself to see if ever a soul, mind, heart, and body are to survive in this we call life.

Why am I sharing this? I am not really sure – I suppose it is something that I just feel like I must put down in writing and put into the world. To share with my friends that their love and support has not been for naught. To say thank you to you all for your time, and compassion, your laughter, your friendship. This moblogging world of ours is a unique one that gives unique perspective. And has been a godsend for me. It has also led me to some great face to face friendships.

So Thank you!

Sonique - SkyOh yeah Oh yeah, oh yeahLook at me, it really was not easy, but I can breath And I’m so grateful ‘cause I can see I am free, to do exactly what I please So come with me, to a place where we can be

Oh I wanna touch the sky, I wanna fly so high Oh I wanna hold you, I wanna love you tonight Oh I wanna touch the sky, I wanna fly so high Oh I wanna satisfy, I wanna make you cry

Follow me To a place where we can be absolutely free To be exactly what you wanna be completely Lose control that’s why I need you more Give me the key to set your heart and spirits free, oh yeah

Oh I wanna touch the sky, I wanna fly so high Oh I wanna hold you, I wanna love you tonight Oh I wanna touch the sky, I wanna fly so high Oh I wanna satisfy, I wanna make you cry

I know what I want and I know that I need it right now Gonna take you on a journey to a far away place now Gonna take you on a journey to a far away place now, uh

Oh I wanna touch the sky, I wanna fly so high Oh I wanna hold you, I wanna love you tonight Oh I wanna touch the sky, I wanna fly so high Oh I wanna satisfy, I wanna make you cry

Ohhhh like a bird in the sky just a you and I I’m gonna fly like a bird in the sky just a you and I We’re gonna fly like a bird in the sky just you and I

I wanna love you now I wanna take you high I wanna give you everything that you desire

I wanna love you now I wanna take you high I wanna give you everything that you desire

I wanna love you now I wanna take you high I wanna give you everything that you desire

I wanna love you now

This was originally posted to Flickr.