Sometimes I swear there seems to be so many faces to me, and other times there seems to be only one. It is at a point now that sometimes I wonder truly if I know who the real me is.
I am on a mission this year and beyond to rediscover the true me, to let that person grow and to begin to respect me again. But how do I know who that person is and how will I recognize them. Sometimes I wonder if I am lost on the journey to find me.
I must say that I do truly have some amazing friends and family who continue to support me and love me no matter how crazy I seem to be at times or what direction I take my life in.
For example, as of late I have been more into Ink than I have been in all the previous years combined. And not just simple little pieces but more and more involved designs and works of art. And while my parents are not exactly happy about it they have still continued to support me emotionally and lovingly with only the expected words of wisdom and caution.
And no matter what my best friend in this world is there for me even when I have to blow up her cell to get her attention sometimes (LOL - you know what I am talkin bout). And I am so very thankful to have her in my life even if she is so far away.
It seems that the puzzle pieces are floating closer and I can almost grab them, almost see them, but I am trying to assemble a design without the box lid. Days like to day that leaves me more frustrated than one can imagine.
I swear there are times that the self anger and frustration are at levels that I could seriously just spontaneously combust without warning. And then other moments There seems to be nothing but peace. I know what part of this is from but aspects of normal life frustration seem to be the cause more often than not these days. I guess its just part of passing away from the 20's and moving on into the 30's and an even more adult part of life.
I think the next step in the personal growth department is going to be dramatically stepping up the socialization. I have got to get out there, even if I just go spend time reading in the bookstore coffee house. But I really want to work myself up to the point that I have a group of friends and people to hang out with on a regular basis and even more so to a point where I feel like I can go out in the night life and not be a social pariah. Or hell even just go order lunch and not feel like a disgusting monster to be stared at even when I order healthy... more self esteem issues.
I know I will get there because there is no other option. There just isn't.
Peace and Love to all my family and friends, and Heaven hold the souls in Ike's way!