Earlier this week I had a thought. After looking in a mirror, and seeing myself. After looking at the world around me. I have begun to wonder what it really means to grow up... And the thought I arrived at is that Growing Up is the process of realizing what will never be, and learning to accept these things so that you can focus on what will be and move forward.
Easy to think, hard to live.
For me I have to acknowledge that I will never be that skinny heart throb sex symbol that makes my own heart race when I see him out and about. I will only ever be who I am. And even my best efforts will only bring me so far. Hopefully once I am able to accept this fully I will be able to also accept that this doesn't mean that no one will find me desirable, but that in fact I will find me desirable. Narcissistic?
But to quote Ms RuPaul, "If you can't love yourself, how in tha hell are you gonna love anyone else?"
Another thing I must acknowledge is that unless I happen to marry into some money - I am never going to be in that group that is worried about President Obama's tax hike (those making over 250,000.00 a year.) And that I may finally achieve SOME security but that it will take years and years of saving and workin my ass off and learning to quell my shopping desires, and impulses. Else I will never truly save the money.
The sooner I accept that the sooner I think it will be easier to commit to such designs. And with the tax rebate we get back this year - instead of spending it, I will be restarting my 401k. Something I desperately need to do.
And last but not least in this list of the big 3 (there are far more than this but these are the major ones) is my health. I have to learn to accept that no matter how hard I work at my weight loss, no matter how much I try, the cards are stacked such that I will most likely have health issues through my life, major ones.
I want to loose the weight to try to stave them off, but I am almost certain that the damage is likely already done. And on that I would love to hit that 250 lbs goal. But I am starting to realize that is probably not very realistic. And so I have come to decide that if I ever hit 300 to 350 I shall be ecstatic. And if I never went any lower than that, I have to be willing to accept that improvement so as not to become so discouraged that I end up back where I started at 1 year ago.
These are just a few of the things that I am trying to accept in my life to make the next step in growing up.
Next up on the list - or should I say in tandem with this list, I am trying to redefine my time management and priorities. I am trying to do and enjoy so many things that instead it is feeling like a chore and I am not accomplishing what I want. Case in point is that my novel that I was so excited about (and still am) hasn't been touched in over 2 weeks now. And I'm not reading as much as I would like. I seem to be rather listless and lost at the moment - more content to stare into nothingness than to do the things I want/need to do.
Ain't life just a grand ol' adventure sometimes?