I am sure I have written on this song before, and as mentioned - it just keeps crashing into my life. Tonight was no different. And I wanted to share with my crew here the comment I had for it with my good friend, Heart Song .
The song I am refering to is Hallelujah by Rufus Wainwright:
The response this brought tonight is what follows:
I still love the Rufus Wainright rendition of this song. Every single time it rings right through me to my very core. Each time I find myself crying, tears of pain, tears of joy, tears of wonder at what I sometimes fear I will never ever know.
The song can be heard in so many ways, the religious, the love of a woman, the look of society.. but for me it rings of love, and its distance and almost lost absence in my world. Now I know I have the love of my family and that of my friends. And for that I will ALWAYS be grateful - the love I speak of is that GREAT LOVE.. the one where you find the other part of your self, the part you didn't even know was missing.
I have spent a great deal of time in my life wondering what must that truly feel like, then despairing that I would never feel it, to being hopeful I might someday. And now most days I just assume its possible though not likely. It seems for whatever purpose of life I am meant to serve a more solitary function. And I have made my peace with that in most aspects. And still there is a part of my heart that aches, and this particular tune seems to draw it out. There are a few others but only a handful at best.
To me this song is of a love that is not known, the longing to feel that passion, that surrender, that embrace. The perspective of what those feelings must truly be like but without a true point of reference. A cold and a broken hallelujah...the sound of love for the unknown, for the desired but not yet attained, the sound of a heart reaching into the night to find a light in the darkness...
Well I've been here before
I've seen this room and I've walked this floor
I used to live alone before I knew ya
I've seen your flag on the marble arch
Love is not a victory march
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah
Still I wander, looking for that marble arch, someday my soul to give to the hands of one who will love and care for it for the rest of my days.