Sometimes when faced with news that hits us harder than we thought it should, we react in dramatic ways. Damn inner Drama-Queen kickin up...

Monday I held myself together just long enough until I got home and years of frustration that has been bottled up was let forth after the seal was knocked loose with news that was less than good.

/// fraking insurance companies ///

The next day when I woke, I found an out pouring of love and support from friends, family, and acquaintances from all around the country. I had figured one of two people would leave a note, but the messages I received really startled me.

I can never thank you all enough.

And so when it came time to put that day up in the "cloud"... I just started typing and as I typed I worked through the emotions. Those who read it saw it live as it was happening the flow of energy changing and me returning to me.

On day three, this day here, I have come up with the starts of a plan, creative ideas to help keep me stay honest and motivated, and a whacky little scheme that with the help of some good friends I think could both be a lot of fun and very beneficial!

So after lots and lots of sleep and waking up feeling like utter crap (throat still healing <read primal scream therapy not always soothing>, and just tired and sore) I began to try to latch on to the positive more fully again. Its kind of like grabbing a live wire sometimes... you never know what you will get but you can instantly feel the energy running through you again.

The Plan: sorta... lol

I did get a call from the surgeons office - they are not done trying to help me get things covered and the money worked out. I must admit I am rather shocked after the way the calls went this past Monday. And tomorrow I will be calling their financial services dept to see what options may exist for me out there, up to and including volunteering for the teaching hospital side of it to see if that will help merit me any kind of discount. The fight isn't over, and I've not given up. But I'm also going in a bit more prepared and with a back up plan forming this time.

This bitch is tired of being knocked off her heels when she gets sideswipped like that.

So the plan.. yeah the same one mentioned just up yonder... ^^

In addition to still trying to work through with the surgeons office, I am going to try to set up a plan with my primary care doc for any RX assistance with metabolism/appetite. Something that will help me modify my habits and keep me more on track.

I am also hoping to add in a nutritionist as well. I must admit this is the one I am most nervous about. Because every time someone says I should eat healthy they start with all these raw veggies and salad crap ideas, and when I say "I'm sorry I don't like those", they just shut down and say "well your going to have to make changes if you want to succeed." To which I can't help but think - "I WANT to make the changes, I want to succeed, thats why I'm here! But if a food makes me gag and is disgusting, I'm NOT going to eat it and force myself to be miserable."

For two reasons: 1. I don't like throwing up. 2. if its disgusting I know I won't stick with it, and thus failure.

So I am hoping that when I meet with them they will respect that I know what I can and will eat, and help me to work with in the criteria that mother nature set out when she wired up my taste buds. I'm still really nervous though.

Of course, eventually I also want to add physical activity to it as well. But I have got to make the changes I need first to allow me to safely and effectively do said activity.

I also want to try and force myself to stay for the weight watcher's meetings again if for no other reason than to get myself more social interaction and perhaps start a more local support system for myself to augment the wonderful online and long-distance one I have now.

Now then for the creative ideas....

I have set up a second twitter account @deaconbluesdiet, where I had planned to just post my weekly weigh in totals from Weight Watchers. But, since I have kind of slipped away from the tracking and points tediousness I wanted to find a way to track my eating honestly and in a way that I would be honest and kept honest and on track also. SOOO add to that twitter feed I will be posting what I eat as I eat it each day as a public accountability thing. I am hoping that all the wonderful people who follow me on @deaconbluesblog, will also follow me on@deaconbluesdiet.

Eventually I will also likely be making use of the points system again as well - since for me that was so much easier than keeping up with they myriad calorie/percentage BS on everything. But I'm trying a different approach this time since the last one didn't stick long enough.

I'm also experimenting with the idea of trying to make sure I do at least one, out of the ordinary day to day life, extra physical thing a day. And to post it there on twitter as well.

And last but not least, I am toying around with an idea for a new cooperative blog, with myself and my many wonderful friends online and in real life. A place where a person can find tips, ideas, and how to/recipe's to use in the easy simple day to day parts of life. A conglomeration of tastes, flavors, ideas, and contributers that will help not only me learn to cook more, but all those people like me who are NOT cooks.

I want it to be a place where you could show it to anyone and they could start making a meal instantly, without having to look up a lot of words and terms to figure out what is going on, no fancy utensils or tools required.. just get in there make it and be done quick like a bunny and simple... oh and CHEAP!! Truly cheap..

I mean like gourmet on food stamps cheap!

Because quick and simple is great and all but if you can't afford the ingredients then its pointless right? And we all know that the bank books are tighter than they have ever been... at least mine is... shew damn wig allowance right out tha window!!!

Anyhow - this is the starting point... What comes true, what changes, what goes away... that remains to be seen.

I invite ideas and suggestions for the cooperative blog idea particularly, but not limited to just that.

It's time to think outside the box, and find new ways to make this whole healthy thing work. The traditional and neo-traditional are just not kicking it yet...

Thanks so much for the love and support... Each day is getting better, and each day I am getting stronger again...