My that sounded naughty didn't it...?

Well GOOD!      HA!

Right then, off we go..

So not even a full week after feeling like my last great hope had been yanked from me, and that my whole world view had been knocked off kilter... I find myself oddly enthusiastic...

There is an odd possible hope on the horizon that surgical options might still exist, but I've also found myself becoming more excited about the back up plans as well. Not really excited as in, "OH you've won 40 million dollars and you've got a hott house boy for the naughty bits."

But more "ok this is what we have to work with, here's how we will use that, and how can we be creative with the rest and make it fun?"

In addition to trying to decide how I really want to tackle the alternative medical assistance side of things, I have found a part that really intrigues me.

It started as an idea to gather data, how to's, and advice on how to cook for myself in an easy way to prevent burn out and boredom. But it has really turned into more than that for me. I know how frustrated I feel, anyone who has read anything in the last 5 blog posts knows too.... And one of the big things in my life is that I want to make my life about putting positive back out into the world.

I want to not only be able to help lighten not just a day for someone but help them lighten the emotional load. To remember to breath and let the positive energy of life work its wonderful magic.

But I have realized that if there is one thing that I truly wish I could do, it's to help offer hope to people who are struggling with their weight and self identity. To genuinely and from a real world perspective try to do whatever I can to help.. no matter if its just letting them see my inner torment and know they are not alone, or to reach out and say lets figure it out together.

I'm still not sure how tha heck I actually want to fully go through with this, but I know one thing that I want to do as a start. I want to start getting info out to help people see there are small things, easy things, quick things that can be done to help.. and in a non-preachy way. I also know that I wanted to be able to pick from a variety of brains and share that wonderful knowledge.

Enter the diet page idea...

In it I want to try to pull together an ever growing library of recipe's, tips, and help. I want it to be a group voice that stands up from all walks of life and says, "here... here are some things that work for me, here is a simplifying tip, or ... here.. your not alone... and here is what I have done to get through that."

I have been pestering many of my good friends, many who are "foodies", many who are people such as me, and still more who are maybe not a foodie but who are magnificent cooks and wonderful people. All of which have great knowledge and wisdom, magnified by their caring and willingness to help out. All who have such warmth and positive life in them it simply must be shared as much as possible.

I know this task is going to be a labor of love, I'm ok with that... I can't wait to see what builds from the contributions of these wonderful people over time.

By cracky I'm excited! And about healthy COOKING! See I told ya it was a strange place!

And so over the next few weeks I will be sending out hopefully more and more invites as I find interest in this little task, adding more and more guest authors to share their time, love, and talent.

After all the emotional roller coaster of the last week, I really do find it odd and reassuring that I am standing here in this moment and am truly excited about new and healthy changes, aside from subway and frozen meals. The prospect of not only still achieving my health goals, but of doing them with or WITHOUT surgery, and that maybe... just maybe I can help someone else out there realize that they are not alone... it's just a wonderful feeling!

Who knew?! Looks like Ma' Universe knew what she was doing after all... just needed to kick my ass hard to really find the buried drive to see this through.

Something that I am coming to realize, and am trying to truly process and understand is that being overweight, and in my case overweight AND gay...it may feel like we are among the invisible of the world unless we are being looked down upon, lectured to, or billed by the insurance companies for services not covered... but we are NOT invisible, we do matter, and we DO have WORTH!

It's beyond time in society that we get past the petty high school bull shit of pointing and name calling, and reach out to our fellow man/woman/child/and anyone in between...find out TRULY what is going on, and work to lift each other up. Because tearing each other down sure as hell hasn't gotten us anywhere. It's time that we remind ourselves that while big may not be healthy, it can still be beautiful and that people can see us for the real us. The us that they will and do find love in.

I've lost count the number of times I have heard, "there is someone for everyone." Who knows... it might be true.. or it might be true for many but not all... but thats not actually a bad thing. If the flow of life leads you on a journey not inclusive of romantic entanglement, but instead an adventure full of friendship and multiplied love... isn't that too a life well spent? I say yes!

I hope that the people who take up the invites and guest author realize how much I appreciate their donation of time and effort, and how much I look forward to their contributions over time. I hope to find the quickest and simplest way for them to be able to do this as well. I also beg their patience as I learn how this whole process is going to work and that they won't give up on it after a short period of time. I feel like we could truly achieve some good here, not just in my life personally, but maybe someone else's life. Even one life brought to joy and peace is worth it!

DB