Dear Lindsay,

I don't normally care about any of the celebrity insanity that goes on out in the world. But you my dear, you have caught my attention.

I realize that you were on a great and fast track to fame there for a bit. Even had a good movie or two out. I particularly enjoyed Herbie!

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ubs3Dlo9qmg]

But I fear someone has mislead you along the way. You seem to be suffering the delusion that the name Lindsay is uniquely yours and as identifiable as that of Oprah, Cher, Madonna, and Mohammed Ali? Surely Lindsay isn't that commonly used as the afore mentioned names? Why I can't pass a stroller without seeing a little Cher or Ali...

You've even been convinced that being associated with being addicted to milk is a negative thing. And given your unfortunate history and battles with your own addictions to far less healthy substances... I am concerned your guilty conscious might be acting out a bit ahead of your common sense.

Your latest antics of suing an financial company, while amusing on its face if for no other reason than I love to see financial companies be taken to task over anything, seems a bit deluded.

In fact, having grown up and gone to school with a number of lovely young ladies named Lindsay, your persona never once came to mind during the adorable and amusing ETrade commercial with the talking baby. Ya' know? The one with the short blonde hair that was less than around 2 years old or so?

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lEXZ2hfD3bU]

So you can imagine my confusion when I heard you were suing this company, I was at first very very perplexed. And thought for sure the reports had to be wrong, that it had to have been some financial mishandling of the Herbie fortunes you had socked away to protect from any package store bills or to save for any future DUI fines.

But to discover it was over a commercial with a talking baby that happened to be named Lindsay?

Well my dear your right... Now we all DO associate the "milk-a-holic" Lindsay baby with your delightful drunken heavy makeup face...I really must thank you because I, and most of America would never have made that connection without your assistance.

Your reasoning, however, feels a bit flawed.. kind of like the republican theories on equal rights for all but those who don't deserve them, ya know like the people who are in love and follow the laws. You seem to be off in that right field land of dreams and fantasy where the world is all about you, and the big scary thing is gonna get ya if you don't fight back with the craziest thing you can come up with...

Before now I would not have immediately thought of you when hearing the name of Lindsay. And that may just be my fault, or possibly the fault of a publicist that isn't doing enough to get your name out there. I am glad to see your able to thrust your name to the headlines on your own though.

I shall forever remember it in association with others of the grand tradition such as Whitney, Bobby, OJ, Phil Specter, Andy Dick, James Brown, Nick Nolte, and so many more. You do already have a lovely picture to go up on the wall with them after all.

But then you were already doing so well building that brand, I hate to see you loose focus with this lawsuit... Please stick with the rehab course... It suits you better, plus it makes you look smarter!

Please accept my deepest sympathy and concern for your plight over having been convinced that the "talking baby addicted to the wholesome substance" commercial that is running rampant is all about you. I'm sure you will get your day in court, with only a few incredulous stares and giggles... from the judge.

Sincerely Your Admiring Fan,

DB

P.S. Thanks for this also in part because you reminded me to create a "Whiskey Tango Foxtrot" category here that I had unfortunately over looked.