It really is amazing how easy it is to totally loose your groove, your patterns, your comfort zone.
I was gone to TN for barely two weeks, and now that I'm back in MA it's as though I have to learn it all again. I feel totally out of place. Like I'm three and a quarter beats off from my surroundings.
It didn't help much that I've felt like complete crap the last three days, well really since I started the drive home. It's like I am just sore all over and tired beyond belief. Thankfully the sore gland feeling has subsided a great deal - though still slightly there... On top of that having committed to working days I don't normally work the very night I returned... Well it was all just a bit too much.
I ended up calling out one of those days - I just couldn't stand to even sit up, it was such an effort and all I wanted to do was sleep... So thats just what I did.
Between that and being back on one of my normal days, with a project here at home quickly coming together I find myself settling in a bit more finally.
The apartment doesn't sound so foreign to me as I walk through it now, the drive to work feels more natural, the tasks of the job, and the things that must be done here at home... I am finally finding my footing again.
Which is good because for the last couple of days I have been suffering a SERIOUS case of home sickness... the kind that makes you want to pull up stakes and pack off back to where you came from. While I am sure it would be a temporary comfort, if I could even figure out how to do it, it would truly be the wrong decision for me. I can't start moving backwards now. Not now that I have finally made it this far.
Someday I will finally learn how to take the advice of a good friend, to live my life - be me - be adventurous, to step out of my box and start living my life. Really living it.
The words all make sense, its all there, I just have such a time with putting it into real action.
At any rate...
It's just nice to have the familiarity sinking back in, and to feel somewhat comfortable again.
Now if I can get the electronics project done quickly and painlessly.. and figure out one other thing... I think it will help things a great great deal... I hope.