When a Twitter moment turns into something more.... It is kind of like grabbing hold of a live electrical wire in a bare spot you didn't see...sending a charge through every part of you.
And this week's episode of Glee is what did it for me. I can't stress enough what a wonderful show it is. Musical aspect aside - the honest, open, and unashamed manner in which they come at uncommonly common issues that we all face but never talk about as a society in an open and broad way.. it's just astounding.
If you haven't seen it... go back and watch season 1, but first set your DVR to start recording this season, because trust me your not going to want to wait to see it.
This week they hit the topic of faith, of many different varieties and how they interact, should interact, etc but also with a focus on what so many of the self professed religions of love and acceptance have done to the non-insiginificant gay community.
Frankly Christianity, I'm looking at you. Your not alone in this for sure, but your the one I have faced most directly and continue to. With all your denominations, all your flavors of faith, and all your claimed acceptance and love... you sure have gotten awfully good over the centuries at professing and acting out hate and violence in the worst possible ways...In the name of love, truth, and light.
When I hear so many people proclaim there must be a conversion or be damned to a hell.. all I can think anymore is "I hope your comfortable where your sitting, because your going right there with them..."
The church I grew up in wasn't nearly as bad as some. But it had it's share of Sunday Christians... those that are pious and loving on Sunday, and use those words and messages of love to beat people down around them who don't blend into their mind set.
For me the instant someone has told me, "I'm a christian", I don't believe them. A true christian does not need to tell me, it is obvious. Only those who are not truly christian need tell me, because I would never know by their actions or manner.
With that said.. I am NOT a Christian. I suppose I was burned and torn down one too many times by the professed followers of an ancient philosopher who's words have been taken and raped of all their meaning to serve power and corruption and hate.
For a lot of years I had a LOT of anger towards churches and Christians. I AM finding peace with that now slowly...it's such an awful painful process.
For those same years I felt so so lost. I had lost the only form of faith I knew, the only connection to something bigger than this existence. That's a helluva thing to be coming to terms with being gay, terrified of disappointing your family and friends, and feeling like the group that you should be able to reach out to is only going to hate you and preach at you and tell you your going to hell to die in a forever agonizing existence.
Surely the hell that they speak of must be very similar to a southern baptist church in August. No air conditioning, a hate filled blow hard yelling at you, and badly harmonized hypocrites blaring noise at you under the guise of a "heavenly choir". All while you miss the Bristol Race on TV because you've had to go back for evening service too or risk going to hell.
That is the image that springs to mind for me most of the time when I think of organized religion. But it's not true of all.
I spent a lot of years trying to figure out how a God who does not make mistakes could have made me, and made me in such a way as to be doomed to hell before birth, and doomed to hell in life amongst his followers.
I still struggle with those feelings sometimes.
But in honesty it wasn't until the last few years that I found faith again. Not in Christianity. No. I think Jesus was a groovy guy from long ago, a philosopher of epic proportions who had great expectations, but that had his life taken over and ultimately destroyed by both his followers and his enemy's. And the followers just couldn't accept the destruction of one they held so dear, and thus the birth of a religion.
I don't believe in heaven and hell, but I do believe in good and evil, of light and darkness. And that there is a world beyond what we know.
For so many God is just one dude, who makes all the decisions, kind of like Sinatra but fewer hit songs. For me instead of it being one all knowing entity surrounded by the many... it is the many swarming in the light of positive energy, that flows through this world in ways we can't even imagine, that form together and make an overriding consciousness. We are all parts of the whole.
And with all things in nature and life, it only works in balance. And the darkness in the world being so heavy even in smaller amounts, it takes a great deal of light to balance the equation, the nice thing is that the light is by far more rewarding, and a lot more satisfying in this existence and the next.
So I have come to terms with faith in the mindset of, we are all believing in essentially the same things when we look at the core pure honest nature of the intent. We just interpret the field before us differently to each individual.
And that's ok.
It's when we deal in absolutes that hate, fear, destruction, negativity, and evil take over. And right now from my seat, There are a lot of religions in bad need of revolutions from within their own ranks.
Find the love in whatever you believe. Lift up those around you even if their beliefs and or life styles might be different from your own. We are all children of the universe. And I for one want to live in a universe of light... not darkness.