Dad flew out today. These trips go way to fast, whether its 3 days or 21 days, it just flies right by.

Now is the adjustment period… The time in which it takes for me to come back to peace with living alone and so far from all my family.

This can be a hard nose dive to pull out of. All the other demons that are always there dragging down my soul have a much easier going gaining ground. The many frustrations of everything just comes crushing down.

These visits are always bittersweet in this way. I cherish the time I get with my family, but the back side of it is the readjustment to silence….

Sigh… just having issues… Wishing I was better at finding the joy, at loving myself, and just existing in the way I’m fated to exist.

Sometimes it is REALLY hard to not just want to give it up and give in… but still I keep fighting it…