[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=u62OtM_vt5k]

I don't know that I have the words to properly express the way this resonated to me.

To say that I sat here crying while watching it, would be an understatement.

We've come so far, yet have so far to go.

Somewhere along the way I internalized the social hate, and now at nearly 30 I am struggling to shed that self hate... to just be content with being who I am. I've punished myself in so many ways for being gay, I've risen to nearly 600lbs... I've isolated myself with staggering effectiveness... I've let myself accept that I'll be single for the duration, and that any flirtation with the idea of that not being the case is to be stamped out and run from...

Somehow I've rejected and rejected, and made my instincts to reject anything positive that someone might say to me. I have learned to more politely thank and accept their efforts, but for me, it still doesn't ring true in my heart.

From the age of at least 13 until 29 I had not gone a single day without having one thought pass through my mind... one thought that I could not, and can not ever act on... one thought that turned into a comforting thought and scared the hell out of me... one thought that finally pushed me into professional therapy and medication... one thought that is not every day now, but at least once a week. It happens at no given moment, it just happens in the normal course of a day. When stresses increase it's there in the background.

We've come so far as a society, but we've still so far to go.

As a community we homosexuals have never soared higher, but we've still got some horrifying wounds. Children beaten, killed, shunned, abused... for being who they are... and being done so by family, friends, churches, and peers...

Adults that have in one way or another internalized their own self hate for being the object of that derision. Some who turn to substance abuse, some who try to eat away the pain, some who struggle to survive the agony of existing outside of loving themselves.

To live as a second class citizen in a nation espousing the virtues of Freedom, Plurality, Diversity, Acceptance... To still be a second class citizen, subjected to religious fury and anger legislated into law and social policy... To live as a second class citizen is to live as a second class being. How much longer before we learn our lessons. We've fought wars, started a new country, watched our country fracture and heal, watched a social movement unlike any other succeed in freedom for the races, and still... and still... we have second class citizens that are told by their communities and government that they are less than, not as worthy, that they are defective in someway and should not be accepted.

When will we learn?

How many more will suffer and die for ignorance and prejudice forced upon a nation built of freedom of religion and from religion, by the religious and hateful?

We've come so far, but we still have so far to go...

I don't really know where I'm going with this, but to say that in this video... this nearly 7 minutes of time... I was struck to my very core. And left crying...

DB